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Divorcing a Narcissist: Tips, Tools, and What to Expect

divorcing a narcissist

The process of divorce, in general, can be overwhelming; however, when divorcing a narcissistic person, you can add many extra challenges along the way. The ideas of working things out, dialogue, mediation, and avoiding going to court are not included in the vocabulary of a self-centered person.

But how can you identify your ex has a narcissistic personality, and what should you expect when finding yourself in this situation? Here are some helpful tips to help you to understand what to expect and how to develop some strategies to protect yourself.

What to expect from a narcissist

For the most part, your narcissistic ex will try to make your divorce very challenging. Do not expect any sympathy from his/her side. You will have to be prepared for a long, not-so-fun journey. But before you feel defeated, always remember:

  • Your ex is unwilling to negotiate: Do not expect a narcissistic person to be open for dialogue, mediation and coming into an agreement. Expect to endure a difficult battle with a lot of drama and hard feelings.
  • Your ex will do everything to win: Your narcissistic ex will never give up on winning. As a “game player,” you can expect your ex to be combative in every possible situation. Going to court is one of the ways your ex will feel powerful. 
  • Your ex does not care about your or your children’s feelings: There are no feelings attached to a narcissistic personality unless it is his/her own. You can expect your ex to try to detract you as a person without care about your or your children’s emotions.
  • Your ex will use the kids as a lien: Expect your narcissistic ex will use the kids as pawns, create situations that will involve the kids and their feelings, making the divorce harder and full of drama.

If you, unfortunately, find yourself in this situation, know that even though you cannot refrain from the circumstances, you can avoid escalating some of these problems. 

Here are some tips when dealing with a narcissistic ex-spouse

The best way to avoid escalating some problems when divorcing a narcissistic person is to avoid conflict. Do not try to engage in dialogue since your ex will try all he/she can do to make things worse.

Set some boundaries from the beginning. Remain calm when you need to interact with your ex. Always stick to the facts when talking to a narcissistic person, and do not go personal.

Remember always to keep receipts, markdown dates and times of appointments, document events that happen in your life or the kid’s life and could be in dispute or cause an argument when it comes to the divorce.

Always have legal support by your side when you have to interact with your ex. Remember to check with your attorney before you reply to any message or a phone call you might receive from your narcissistic ex. The best way is to keep all documented and in court if the case.

Strategies when divorcing a narcissistic person

Divorcing a narcissistic person can be exhausting, and it will take a toll on your personal life. It is essential to take care of your mental well-being. Try to avoid talking about your divorce all the time, even when your family and friends want to know more about it.

Do not reply to your ex with sarcasm, hostility or defensiveness, even if you are tempted to. Remember, your ex is already causing the drama, do not add fuel to the fire.

Be as honest as possible with your attorney and build a strong case. The more facts, pictures, documents, receipts you have, the better your case will be in your favor.

Need support?

When finding yourself divorcing a narcissistic person, know that it can be exhausting and emotionally draining. Keeping open communication with a narcissistic person is only doable, for the most part, through an attorney.

Our experienced team at Khonsari Law Group is here to advise you on how to navigate the harsh experience of divorcing a narcissistic person.

Contact us today for a free consultation.

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